A TANKA REPAIR KIT by Jeanne Emrich

Whether you are trying to fix your own verse or help others fix theirs, you might consider the tools in this tanka repair kit.

Abstraction: Put a concrete image in each line.

Anticlimatic line: Position the strongest line as the fifth (last) line.

Archaic language: Rephrase in everyday, natural language. Reorder awkwardly placed phrases.

Awkward enjambment: End a line of a strong noun or verb, not on an article or conjunction, e.g., "and".

Cliches: Retain the meaning, but reframe the verse using a different slant or images.

Clipped language: Employ articles as you would normally, but avoid repeating them within the five lines. Aim for the pacing of conversational speech.

Contrived concept: Divide the poem in half to dilute the contrivance. Add new content from a different context.

Distracting form: Delete unnecessary, experimental, and otherwise awkward word placement and line breaks.

Dry objectivity: Put yourself or some other person in the poem. Add concrete images that show your emotional state. Tell a story.

Excessive modifiers: Delete the modifiers and see if the nouns can carry the meaning.

Explaining: Delete mention of the cause of the described effect. Try omitting explanatory connectors such as prepositions.

Fabrication in content: Use an authenticating, real-life detail to make a scene more convincing.

Form distorting content: Relax any rules you have about the tanka form. Let form emerge as your write.

Grocery list effect: Combine some lines grammatically.

Lack of originality: Delete connecting words to create unexpected "leaps" or unusual juxtaposition of images. Use contemporary images.

Mimicry of forms: Read contemporary tanka to get a feel for natural expression typical of the form.

Orating: Drop generalities. Comment on the particular.

Overloaded first line: Shift the lines around; the last line should have the most weight or punch.

Overly dramatic action: Depict a telling detail after the action is over.

Overt parallelism: Delete "I too" connectors. Have the parallel activity happen in the same setting as described in the first strophe.

Overwrought emotion: Depict the after0effects of a strong emotion or dramatic situation.

Padding: Put aside strict adherence to a syllable count or line length concept.

Personal particulars: Write about your mother, not "Margaret".

Predictability: Cut an extended metaphor. Delete clauses. Change subject or focus by third line.

Sentimentality: Recast the verse in an everyday, unsentimental setting. Show the emotion, don't name it. Cut the sweetness with a shadow image.

Scattershot details: Delete extraneous details. Focus on a particular and significant detail.

Strain: Delete emotionally charged images and language. Focus on a few quiet details that hint of a larger story.

The obvious: Suggest with details culled from the periphery of the experience.

Third line reader fatigue: Reframe the third line with a new phrase, pivot or twist. Tell a story with a hook in the first or second line.

Unintended ambiguity: Reorder lines so a reference immediately follows its subject.

And remember all poetry, no matter the genre, tells a story.

Editor's note: This article appears here with the kind permission of the author, a well-known American tanka writer. It first appeared in Ribbons, the journal of the Tanka Society of America (see Publications). Jeanne is also a member of the new tanka initiative, Tanka Online.

For a "how to" on writing tanka, please go here. And there is another archived article on tanka here.

no longer sharp
this pain of parting from you
I probe my heart
to find what else of value
may also now be missing

- Beverley George
Tanka Society of America, Ribbons, Vol. 2, No. 1, 2006

widening each day
the winter river rushes
over hidden rocks
if you asked me to return
I could no longer cross it

- Beverley George
Editor's Choice tanka, moonset, journal 1, issue 2, 2005

inherited -
one thornless row
of raspberries
sweet thoughts flow to her
as every basket fills

- Kirsty Karkow

Honorable Mention, San Francisco International Haiku, Senryu and Tanka Contest, 2005: published in Ribbons, Vol. 2, No. 1, 2006

the afternoon
has flown away
on wings
cloudy thoughts and dreams
leave no contrail

- Kirsty Karkow
Published in moonset, journal 1, issue 2, 2005

I see a slight shift
in October's light
as it stretches
into the warmth of summer
leaves unfurling on the willow

- Patricia Prime
Published in Ribbons, Vol. 1, No. 4, 2005

as you read aloud
from a second-hand paperback
of poetry
I hear the crack of its spine
and almost smell the glue

- Patricia Prime
Commended, Yellow Moon, issue 13, winter, 2003

small discs buffed
for my next ‘creation'
remind me of shells
gathered on a stormy beach
for one another

- Catherine Mair

I should have staked them
mauve chrysanthemums
instead I'll pick posies
for my son's ex-wife
and my 90yr. old mother

- Catherine Mair
NZPS Home